You aren’t a lover.

You aren’t really a friend.

We used to date off and on for years.

We don’t share our deep thoughts, feelings, passions, dreams.

We don’t share each other’s joys or sorrows, let alone ever talk on the phone just to hear each other’s voice.

We just say hi in text once in awhile and usually comment on the weather.

I honestly don’t know where to put you.

We aren’t really in each others lives but we aren’t completely out of each others lives either.

We are NOTHING alike yet we are in a weird way. The way we look at what we are…. Not really anything but not really nothing.

I don’t know… is it better without you or better with you in my life?

Only you know.. only you will continue to show me. So I can understand what this really is.

Currently… you aren’t really anyone but a random text. Not really anyone significant yet also not really insignificant.

Your just a guy I loved along time ago. A friend I cherished long ago. A person I thought was someone I wanted a forever with.

Now though… you really aren’t any of those.

Yet, I still enjoy knowing how you are doing in this crazy little life. That you are happy and I hope maybe you have found a way to love someone…. Deeply and with longevity. Just because you weren’t right for me, I still hope someone out there is right for you.

What is This?

Time… Lost… in the in between.

Over.

That’s what it is. Finished completely.

Peace, Love and Light ❤️

A letter to the Avoidant from a now Secure Woman

I asked you to respect me and unblock me from your socials. Funny how you blocked me because you cheated and lied and then gaslighted me by telling me you didn’t trust me.

It was such a simple act. You could have even responded with a “no”. Yet you chose silence like usual, to control everything by not responding at all.

Only communicating on your terms, as long as I was saying and doing everything exactly how you wanted.

You are so simple and low-key.

Funny though… I could already see all your activity on your socials. I have since day one.

It wasn’t even about your socials.

It was simply about respecting my feelings.

Respecting me as a person.

The principle of it all.

Something you are incapable of doing with anyone. I understand that now.

You aren’t worth my energy any longer.

You thought you were important to me… which the irony is… you were only important to my growth. In seeing what a dismissive avoidant like yourself, could do to my nervous system.

You yourself… are not important.

Just the lessons I learned from you of what I will never tolerate from anyone anymore.

You yourself… as a human… well you are just a little boy than never grew up. You choose to be stuck in emptiness. Never having anything of emotional depth. Never trying to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

I however have flourished in understanding my own attachment style and grew into a beautiful, emotionally secure woman.

I outgrew you.

I don’t hate you, nor do I love you.

You are indifferent to me.

Just a man I once thought I knew, yet never had the capacity to understand someone at your level. So because of continuing to try to understand why you are so empty, cold, unable to deal with deep emotions or conversations, I learned the greatest gift of all.

That I’m worth so much more than anything you could have ever offered me ❤️

I didn’t just survive your emotional abuse and distance… I became a stronger, a more powerful woman that knows her worth.

I found self love ❤️

While you now fit into the background noise of a six year long study … of a severe dismissive avoidant with high narcissistic traits.

I didn’t loose a single thing with you…

The best part is… you will never understand me, because you can’t rise to my level.

So the cycle is broken.

I am secure.

I am free.

You decided

And in that decision… you revealed everything I needed to see.

Not through words,

but through absence.

Through silence.

Through inaction.

Through watching me slowly pull away…

and choosing not to reach for me.

For a long time, I asked myself questions about you.

Why you couldn’t show up.

Why you couldn’t love me the way I loved you.

Why I wasn’t enough for you to stay.

But the truth is…

The questions were never meant for you.

They were meant to wake me up.

Why was I staying with someone

who didn’t choose me?

Why was I trying to prove my worth

to someone who couldn’t recognize it?

Why was I calling something love

that consistently made me feel unseen, unvalued, and alone?

That’s when everything shifted.

I stopped trying to understand you…

and started understanding myself.

I don’t want a love that feels uncertain.

I don’t want connection without consistency.

I don’t want to be chosen “sometimes.”

I want depth.

I want presence.

I want truth.

You didn’t break me.

You showed me the limits of what you could offer.

And in seeing that clearly…

I finally stopped asking for more.

I didn’t lose you.

I lost the version of you I kept hoping was real.

And in that loss…

I found myself.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately on what it means to have and be a friend.

A friend through my eyes, is a person you trust will all your good, bad and crazy. Someone who accepts you where you are in life and continues to grow with you. A person that sees where you have been, where you are now and encourages where you are going.

Someone that reciprocates communication, love, understanding and wants to be apart of your life. One that makes you feel loved at a deeper level than superficial. Simply reaching out and sharing life both ways.

I have let go of alot people lately because it was so one sided. I was the one reaching out and keeping the communication going, asking questions about how they are, letting them know I am here for the good news and the bad news that life can throw at us.

I have realized that many only were reaching out if I did. When they were board or lonely. When they had time to fit me in instead of making the time. There is a difference in that. Quite a profound difference in fact.

The lack of being there for me to share my highs and lows and vice versa. However that was extremely limited. I found myself alone when I needed a friend.

So I decided to go quiet and observe.

It was surprising how quiet my life got. Not in a bad way, just an interesting way.

Through that silence, I’ve decided most had to go. For our friendships had stalled to only live in the moments of the past or their boredom. Not in the present time of the ever changing circumstances.

So the are exiled. I know the ending of their journey with me.

I hold no resentment or anger towards them. They simply needed to go without further contact to my life.

Friends are extremely important to me, equally so, are those connections.

I found myself more lonely holding onto them. Questioning my worth through their eyes. A place I definitely do not flourish nor have the opportunity to be the best me.

I am freeing myself of all those that no longer choose a two way road. To quiet my own soul from the noise of guessing and feeling left out of all I seek in connections.

So goodbye without a goodbye.

We no longer need each other and that is alright. May you find your own tribe that adds to what your idea of life is with them. You have made it clear I am no longer part of that journey.

I am done feeding the souls that no longer feed mine.

Peace, love and light 🙌

Nomadic Soul… done seeking.

You are either in or out… no fluff, no grey, not when it’s convenient for you. For I have made time for you and have been there… for you.

That is no longer a welcomed one way street. So brace yourself for the silence of me… that you so clearly wanted.

Every time I reached for you, you were nowhere to be found. Every time I needed you, you were nowhere to be found.

Through time, I have learned my place in your world. I have learned where to put you in mine as well, through your own actions and words.

I see far more than you know and hold so much peace within myself knowing the truths through what I have seen.

A slow death of us was so much better, simply because it gave me time to heal and see the real you.

Plain and simple…I outgrew you.

You are not who I would choose any longer. You are not who I thought you were to begin with. A friend.

That in and of itself… allowed me to bury you with the false memories I held. The ones where I thought you were something special.

You are not special.

You are simple.

You are just some broken, shallow man, that can’t grow up.

A death of one’s own self.

This slow death of us, has awaken me to understand that you are not worthy of me. Not vice versa as I had once thought.

For you are just an avoidant man.

Not a thing more.

Now I can move forward. Alone.

It was through the slow death…I have come to the burial of us.

This final chapter.

Where there is no goodbye, because you have truly decided I was dead to you for far to long now.

It’s time for the eulogy.

The burial.

Somewhere you died inside long long long ago.

Although It wasn’t me that killed you.

Perhaps I was just as dead inside when we met.

Perhaps, I needed the mirror that only you could provide.

To see who I never want to be again.

YOU.

I’m amongst the living now.

Your coffin is yours.

I lay you to rest.

Alone.

Just how you want it.

The slow death of us… is what awakened me.

The fact I was so easy to discard a million times over… made it abundantly clear, that you don’t really have respect for me. Nor do you want me in your life.

So be it then.

Access denied

We tried and tried.

I believe because we cared.

You thought I was/would be happier and that I am doing better without you.

That wasn’t the case.

Not even close.

I didn’t have a choice.

You didn’t let me decide for myself.

You just ended it.

Stopped talking to me.

You decided for me., based on what you thought was best for me.

The only reason I stopped was because you asked me to.

You told me we should stop talking and not even be friends because I said I was happy and that you didn’t want to make me unhappy.

I was happy because we were talking.

The lines aren’t alway black and white.

There was so much color in between.

I just didn’t have a choice because you stopped responding and just couldn’t seem to be honest about being with another woman.

My existence to you just…. Stopped.

That is what crushed me 💔

The lies.

Life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns.

Some are moments that turn into the most beautiful memories that fuel our lives, ones we carry forever. While others are some of the hardest lessons that we needed to experience in order to grow and change.

Life is an amazing journey.

You cant have ups without the downs and vice versa.

For we would never understand the full experience of life without both ❤️

Let go of what no longer serves you… so new moments can come… freely.

Peace, Love and Light

Nomadic Soul

I just don’t have it in me anymore to try with you. As much as I have loved you all these years, I know you are never going to be ready for me.

I think somewhere deep down you love me, yet just not how I want to be loved.

I only have a short time left in this life.

My friends are all I need.

Life is so damn precious and should be lived surrounded by people that love us as we are and not have to fight or prove we are good enough.

Whatever it is you think you will find out there… the person you are searching for… I hope you find it.

You didn’t choose me and I accept that.

I finally feel that.

Freedom happens when you let people go that aren’t meant to continue being in your life. You know the ones… the ones that have zero idea what you have been going through and haven’t been around. Text you only when they are bored or lonely.

I have had a lot of these types of acquaintances and have continued to talk to them every few months. Why I have?… I honestly do not know.

All this fake social media garbage is wild to me! People choosing other people to like their garbage and friend each other when they have absolutely zero ties or connections with them, yet hardly keep in contact with those that are right there! Checking in on you and asking how things are going! Blows my damn mind!! It’s all so sad that people are that lonely or need reassurance from complete strangers.

Maybe it’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️ and that’s ok. I’m perfectly good with my own beliefs. I’d rather have “real” than “fake” shit every single day.

Less is definitely more in my world ❤️

I’ve decided these people have no significant impact in my life, for they don’t know “me” as a person. Therefore, I have been letting go of people that are not actively involved in communicating with me. They just have no impact whatsoever to my heart. I mean I wish them well and all but I have zero desire to keep in contact with them any longer.

Sure there are those old friends that check in every few months to say hi, like time never stopped. Honestly though, I almost feel that’s irrelevant to my life anymore.

Time is going so fast and my window is closing in on how much time I have left. Therefore, I’d prefer to only socialize with those in my life as time allows. Those that choose to be actively in it. Making memories and sharing life. That’s what matters to me… time together. ❤️

As I get older I realize I only want people that are “present” in my life. I have few real friends but dang are they special to me! ❤️

I’ve become far more introverted as time has gone by and I’m really loving not having to please anyone.

My life. My journey. My choice.

I’m done with all the people that don’t add to my life. Life is just to damn short to entertain anything less.

It’s your choice to stay or go.

I won’t fight you on it, for I will know my place in your heart through actions and will NEVER try to prove my worth … to ANYONE 😉

That my friends… is freedom to me ❤️

Let Them! Let Me!

Peace, Love and Light.

Nomadic Soul

I will be heading out again for my biggest journey yet! I’ll be leaving mid March 🙌 with Utah being my first stop! Although I’ve been there many times… those red rocks are calling me in.

The night sky filled with stars, the amazing rock formations, dessert air…oh ya… I’m ready!

It’s time to do the deepest healing as well as living and loving life again… for MYSELF and my dog ❤️

So much to share with you all! Stay tuned!

Peace, Love and Light Everyone!

Today you left us here in memories of love, laughter and what it looks like to be a beautiful human being.

I will never forget when I first met you. I came to your campground to check on availability and prices. You opened the door and were soooo excited to show ME, a complete stranger… the latest addition to finalize your collection of the dwarfs from Snow White! Hal had just bought it for you ❤️ You were BEAMING in happiness.

You hugged me and welcomed me into your home and family and invited me to all the wonderful things going on at your campground. I have never in my life felt so loved and cared about until that very day.

From that day forward you became a mother, friend, Councelor, cheerleader and literally one of the most influential and important people in my life.

You guided me through the process of loving myself. You called me on my shit and gave the BEST advice on the man I had met and fell in love with! Even though that relationship didn’t work you still believed he was the one. You managed to make me believe in love again. He just was the wrong man to love. I think you knew this in the end.

You introduced me as your daughter and loved me like I was yours!

Oh how I will miss you 💔

I know you are in good hands as your faith was so powerful! I know you were more than ready to go but I wasn’t quite ready for that message that you passed. I was so hoping I would have one more summer with you! Bodhi was too! He loved you so much my beautiful friend ❤️ The way you loved him from the moment you met him too was definitely a tribute to exactly who you are! An amazing, loving beautiful soul ❤️

I will come pay tribute to you this summer as I haven’t missed one yet in the 7 years since you entered my life. It will be so painfully sad to miss you there so forgive me if I don’t stay long ❤️ my heart needs some rest and some Rita and Hal love ❤️

I promise to check on Hal and make sure he is doing as well as possible. I know he is devastated with your absence. He loved you more than life itself.

Oh Rita…. I love you so much! Thank you for being such a HUGE part of my journey and loving me for exactly who I am and where I was at all those years ago… all the way up until you passed.

I will never forget our last phone call last month and how excited we were to know summer would be here soon.

I love you forever my dear friend.

Thank you… for being you and giving me the opportunity to be apart of your life ❤️

I miss you TERRIBLY ALREADY! The tears won’t stop… only because you were someone I know is irreplaceable in this world.. to my heart 💔

I love you always and forever ❤️

The part you never understood was that I didn’t quit, not because I liked how you treated me… but because I knew if we quit… we could never fix it.

I didn’t quit because I needed to see where I stood in your world. To see if I was equally worth fighting for …to you.

When you quit me… you showed me that when things get tough, you would walk away and shut me out.

Now I know it could never work now because you have shown me I am replaceable.

I didn’t loose you… for you were never mine.

I could never believe in someone that won’t fight to stay.

So I let go….There was nothing left to save.

You see…. You were always free to be with me or not.

I had to see where you really were. So I could let go or stay.

In life our patterns repeat because we haven’t healed . We continue to watch the same situations happen over and over… hoping for a different outcome.

When you have seen the same behavior repeatedly and know the ending will always come and repeat itself… you need to walk away. walk out the side door and don’t look back.

Not matter if it’s a relationship, friends or family. If it’s not healthy… it’s time to go.

I know it’s heartbreaking to do sometimes, especially when you love them…. But for your own sanity, you must stop repeating the same patterns so you can grow and open your heart to those that cherish you.

So your world becomes calm and the noise stops.

You are not their problem anymore.

You were never the problem. It’s their film of life that they created. So when you have seen the ending….

Change your own story ❤️

Peace, Love and Light

You will have more love than you ever dreamed of…. The type of love that is real.

Not painful.

Nomadic Soul

I will be heading out again for my next life path journey in April.

The amount of knowledge and growth I have gained the past two years caring for my parents has been remarkable. Healing from childhood wounds that left me paralyzed in understanding love both in loving and being loved.

I am ready to open my heart and world to those that choose me for exactly who I am as I continue to grow and learn.

My heart is pure and full with love and happiness and peace for the first time in my life

I welcome love now. Something I couldn’t do before. I could love but not be loved.

Make no mistake however… if you treat me with anything less than love, kindness and respect… I absolutely will walk away.

I have zero desire to allow drama or confusion into my life again. I simply will not allow it.

I am excited to meet new people and share new adventures and new connections with likeminded friends ❤️

I hope you follow my journey! It will be an epic account of growth and love ❤️

Just a girl and her dog… in a camper.

Peace, love and light friends

Nomadic Soul

Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you just need to walk away to save yourself from the pain that loving them creates in your own soul.

You can’t make anyone love you or treat you like you want to be loved and treated.

You just have to close that entire book and start writing one that feeds your soul… even if it means you stay alone ❤️

You really don’t know anyone.

You only know what others WANT you to see.

Yet as you spend more time with that person, you get glimpses of their true self. Fleeting moments that if you aren’t paying attention you will miss it.

Pay attention to how they argue, communicate, deal with difficult issues that arise in the relationship. How they listen to what you have to say and how you feel. For these little nuggets of truth lead you to their truths. Look at their social media and pay attention to who they follow, like and comment on. Who they friend and responses they make to that person.

You see we ALL wear a mask to a certain degree but the truths are always out there.

It’s all about paying attention to what you see and how they make you feel. Anyone can say anything but when it comes down to their own agenda and interests …the truths are right in front of you.

Just pay attention.

When morales and values do not equal your own… the relationship is doomed from the start. It can’t flourish without a common foundation.

Don’t get lost in trying to “fit” in their world or become accepting of behavior that goes against you own comfort zone.

Your own moral guide.

That’s not how relationships work.

When you ignore the signs that are clearly displayed but you become “love blind” to the truth of who that person is… and try to “adapt” to their own behavior… you are diminishing your own light and life path.

Trying to fit where you don’t belong opens a door to your own life that leads to pain and destruction of your own soul.

It’s like trying desperately to put a square into a circle. The two simply do not fit properly.

Don’t settle for anyone that doesn’t have the ability to make you feel loved for exactly who you are.

Learn to let go of those that don’t align with your own core beliefs, values, and morals. As hard as it is at times… they are not meant for you.

Love them through the space between you but do not continue to dance with them in that same space.

Forgive yourself for opening your heart to someone that doesn’t fit your narrative.

Go discover your tribe and fall in love with those that are good for your soul.

Let go of the ones that don’t serve your heart the most beautiful life that you not only deserve but also the life that doesn’t make you question yourself.

Life is about meeting people that add to your life… not the ones you have to prove yourself too.

I was once so blindly in love… until I saw who they truly are.

It was then… and only then… I could turn the light off and close that door… lock it up and walk away.

Without looking back again.

I saw the truth of who he was.. and honestly… it terrified me that I got wrapped into his grips of torture.

Had I just paid attention, and believed what I saw… I would’ve left at the start.

That’s the thing though… he didn’t want me to see his true self.

It would have confirmed to him… that he is in fact… the monster.

The day I opened my eyes… is the day I stopped loving the person I made him out to be and saw him for the person he really is.

He was my lesson.

The one that changed my life path.

It took a lot of abuse from him to wake me up… but I am more awake than ever now!

He was nothing more than a stepping stone to me.

The final stone.

To understanding love and what love is not.

Nothing more.

Just a poisonous snake that crossed my path… bit me… harmed me…but now I am immune to his poison.

Pay close attention to those fleeting moments of truths friends… for that is simply their mask slipping for a brief moment. For that is who they truly are.

Peace, Love and Light

Nomadic soul… no longer seeking.

For I have found myself ❤️

It is amazing to me how when you know the truth about something and ask the person directly for that truth… that they can lie straight out.
No admitting it.
No apology.
No self accountability.
No care in the world about it whatsoever.
In fact .. they turn it on you for not believing them.
They shut you out for asking and knowing the truth, as if you did something horribly wrong.
I will never understand that.
It is impossible to hold respect for them no matter how much you care.
Moreover… I hope I never ever ever become that cold hearted.
They are the lost souls.

There is such a profound sadness when someone you care for ….cant see their own wreckage of the damage they cause, and literally don’t care.

Feeling a bit defeated… knowing I have to go to drastic measures to protect myself… from his emotional ignorance.

It’s never easy letting go… yet it’s so much harder to hold on when there is zero trust left.

Peace, Love and Light Friends

Sometimes you just have to shut the door for good… and lock it tight.

For your own self preservation ❤️

Nomadic Soul

Good memories are meant to be held in your heart to remember moments ❤️

Negative memories are meant to learn and grow from…taking only that growth and moving forward… leaving the rest behind.

Don’t be a prisoner in your only life.

Peace, Love and Light ❤️

Nomadic Soul

Although I did not write this, It sure did resonate with me ❤️

Love is a force that doesn’t simply vanish when someone is no longer part of your life. It lingers, not as a chain that binds you to the past, but as a quiet reminder of the connection you once held. Even when a relationship ends or life separates you from someone you love, that love doesn’t cease to exist. Instead, it transforms—becoming softer, more reflective, and deeply intertwined with who you are. It becomes part of your story, shaping the person you continue to become.

One of the hardest truths to accept is that love doesn’t just disappear when someone is no longer physically present, whether through distance, time, or loss. That love often finds its way into quiet moments, resurfacing unexpectedly in memories or emotions. It doesn’t mean you’re holding on too tightly—it means that the bond you shared was real, meaningful, and impactful. Love, even when it evolves, has a way of leaving its mark.

Healing from a past love or the loss of someone dear isn’t about trying to erase what was. Instead, it’s about learning to carry that love in a new way. It’s about honoring the impact they had on your life while finding peace in the present. To deny that love or try to bury it completely is to deny a part of yourself. The love you shared isn’t wasted—it’s a reminder of your capacity to care deeply and connect meaningfully, and it has shaped your heart in profound ways.

Over time, the intensity of that love may fade, not because it wasn’t real, but because you’ve learned to carry it differently. It becomes less of a weight and more of a quiet strength, a reflection of your journey and growth. You’ll begin to see it not as something holding you back, but as something that enriches your understanding of love, life, and yourself. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding a way to move forward while holding onto the lessons and memories with grace.

If you’re struggling to let go of a past love or to accept the loss of someone dear, know this: it’s okay to feel their presence in your heart. It’s okay to grieve what was, and it’s okay to honor the love you shared, even as you move forward. Let yourself feel without judgment, and trust that in time, the pain will soften into something quieter, more manageable.

Advice for Letting Go or Accepting Loss:

Acknowledge Your Emotions – Allow yourself to feel the grief, love, and everything in between without guilt or shame. Healing begins with acceptance of where you are emotionally.

Shift the Focus – Instead of focusing on the absence, reflect on the impact they had on your life and the memories you’ll carry with you forever.

Practice Gratitude – Be grateful for the time you had, no matter how brief. This perspective can help bring peace.

Seek Support – Whether through friends, family, or a counselor, don’t hesitate to lean on others for comfort and guidance.

Be Patient with Yourself – Grieving and letting go are not linear processes. Give yourself the time and space to heal in your own way.

Focus on Growth – Use the love and lessons they gave you to grow stronger, wiser, and more compassionate in your life moving forward.

Create New Meaning – Fill the spaces they once occupied with new experiences, passions, and connections.

Love is a profound teacher, and its presence—even in loss—reminds us of what it means to be human. It’s not about forgetting or moving on; it’s about moving forward, carrying that love with you as a source of quiet strength and enduring grace. You are not defined by what you’ve lost but by how you choose to honor that love as you continue to grow.

You’re allowed to hold onto love while still making room for new joys. That’s the beauty of a heart that has loved deeply—it never truly empties; it simply expands.