Heart or Head.. What to Trust

We don’t choose who we love. It’s a chemistry that is either there or it isn’t. Perhaps it is a person we are familiar with that we have met in another lifetime, perhaps it is the person that is there to teach us a greater lesson… preparing us for the next person, perhaps we read it wrong entirely and they were meant to offer us another type of love we didn’t know of. No matter the reason… love is hard. It is vulnerable. It is why it hurts at times. It is a person that we hold to a higher regard with our heart. A person we trust to protect us from all and be there to hold us through the hard times life throws at us. They are truly the ones that can hurt us the most. Simply because we love them.

Our heart wants what the heart wants. However, we choose who stays, based on how they affect our life. How we treat each other. How our love language is received. How we love them. We choose what we can and cannot handle. We choose to learn or not from the relationship we form. How hard to fight for it. We choose what that looks to our soul. How its fed. We choose how we feed another person’s needs, fears, insecurities, love. All are based on where that love is in our souls and our experiences that changed how we receive and give love.

If we are not willing to look at our past and how it plays into our future, then how do we grow? How do we change? How do we let love in? 

Everything is a choice! Everything but…. Who we love. 

I am not talking about a general love for people. This love… you know the kind… it is a deeper connection. Familiar. Stronger. 

As we walk into love, we are aware of the feeling… it can terrify us, excite us, humble us, calm us, offer us something that no one else seems to be able to offer. It can strip us to our core as we humbly show our true self. The self not many are allowed to see. We trust that person enough to open our fears, to reveal our darkest selves. Our pains from the past, our insecurities, our jealousies, our true selves. Leaving our heart and its safety left in the hands of the one that our heart chose. 

That is A LOT of trust! Trust of self, trust in the person we share our time, our bed, our secrets, our life, our flaws, our insecurities, our thoughts but above all our beliefs in how we view love. 

I have always struggled to trust others, but more so… to trust, myself. To trust another human to love me for… me. To understand my past and ALL the tremendous triggers brought up that need healing. I am a lot! I have spent years trying to undo and disrupt the pattern beliefs that I came to understand as love. What love looks like through my lens. I have always loved people, in general, as a whole. My struggle has been to trust people with my heart. I am human. I am me. To lead with my head has never been a strong area, my heart has always led. Giving multiple chances to people I chose to have in my life that I knew were not healthy for my growth. This has stunted my growth in having a deeper connection, in love and allowing a natural trusting flow. I have always felt that I needed to change to be loved. To change my beliefs and life. To fight for a relationship even though my mind knew it was not conducive to my own needs to grow and live more authentically. I have been ashamed of my needs and thoughts of what love would look in order to fully embrace a relationship. A deep connection with another soul. 

You see, we all have our needs and beliefs that have been created from birth. Every step of our life has been set up to conform to everyone else’s needs! We set boundaries of protection through these beliefs. We change who we are to “fit” into someone else’s life, whether due to fears of losing them, fears we wouldn’t be loved, thought of as crazy or unrealistic, to needy, to this, that or the other! We end up becoming further from our true self and further from loving ourselves unconditionally for who we are in this moment in time. Growth is hard! It takes time and unwiring our brains through positive encounters in how/what we perceived to be “normal”.

What the hell is normal? Who is normal? We ALL have our shit!  We attach to people and put so much emphasis on what/how they “see” from their perspective of “normal behavior”. This shuts us down and forces us to conform to “other” beliefs that are not truly helping us grow and change to who we truly are in our own souls! Sure, it gives us another perspective, great! It is always a good idea to see through each other’s perspective because we get a chance to see how they “perceive” love! This does not however make it the right path! It is a perspective from THEIR life experiences! NOT YOURS! Does that mean however that they have their shit together so much that their way is the right way? Why? Because their way is right for them? Perhaps “their way” is right for them, because that is their “learned way”, but that most certainly does NOT mean that their experiences, that led them to their believes, is right for YOU! Change yourself to see what is right and wrong because they will see YOUR beliefs as wrong? 

I call bullshit! We MUST see each other’s belief systems as individual life experiences that made them… well…. THEM! We must be open and honest with ourselves to see if BOTH are willing to see where growth is needed to be our best selves. 

Through my eyes… love is helping each other through difficult past experiences that have led us to our/their personal beliefs! Let’s say trust is an issue; you cannot simply tell someone to trust, that you are honest, that if you can’t trust me then you can’t be in my life! Trust is EARNED! You show them trust. You allow them a free open space to grow, talk, share their stories so you can see their perspective, communicate what needs need to be met for a SAFE PLACE to grow and build trust, you openly share your world to show them who you are, your beliefs, your actions. It is a process over time. Many think it is a violation of personal boundaries to open their entire world to the person they love. WHAT THE HECK! If you don’t open your thoughts, life, people, past, fears etc. then how is trust built? Think about it for a minute. Do you expect someone to trust you when you have offered nothing in opening up? TRUST IS EARNED period. It is being vulnerable and proving you are worthy of trust. We don’t grab a random stranger to care for our children. We investigate, interview, do background checks, follow up on references, put cameras in our homes to watch… we do sooooo much to protect and provide safety to those we treasure! Why wouldn’t we do the same for ourselves? Our heart? There is where you will learn to trust…. By trusting YOURSELF! It’s time to trust yourself both in mind and heart and guard your own wellbeing, you know your needs. If someone can’t help you heal, they’ve done their part in your life. Let go. Trust yourself first. The lesson is already learned. 

Peace, Love and Light Friends

Nomadic Soul Seeker