The path to freedom of our soul is attainable ❤️ Even after we have walked with a monster we didn’t know existed.

This one is a rough one for me to talk about, but nonetheless important.

I admit.. I jumped without seeing what was below.

From the moment I met him, things felt different. Exciting. Soul mate kinda shit.

Unbeknownst to me, those feelings of excitement, adoration, butterflies, love, etc… were all my senses and intuition telling me to RUN! And run FAST!

I had not learned that anxiety and excitement hold the same feelings as dopamine rushing through my brain. I mistook my intuition that was telling me that this was the man for me, when in fact… my own intuition was telling me this man is unsafe, dangerous to my well being, that he is not well!

4 years later, after studying his patterns, learning how destructive and abusive he is with all his games and manipulation that left me shattered and depressed and confused. In denial even as I read more and more about the traits he carefully and strategically used on me! I just couldn’t fathom this was ALL a LIE! I couldn’t see that it was all fake. That this was truly a man that was EMPTY EMOTIONALLY and had ZERO empathy!

Oh looking back now after learning about Covert Narcissism, and working hard to put myself back together. Picking up the pieces of who I am at my core, the core of me that allowed this broken man to strip me of..

The constant lies, love bombing, gaslighting, love triangles, constant fear of abandonment, ghosting, bread crumbing, slow devaluation, constant projecting, lack of empathy, flipping scenarios to make me feel absolutely wrong and crazy and confused, never willing to communicate or compromise, hiding me from everyone… oh the list is LONG and painful to say the least.

I was gone. The entire core of who I am was gone, in a CONSTANT state of fear of abandonment, refection, chasing.. feeling like I was not good enough, feeling if I just don’t upset him, say the wrongs things, question him, explain my emotions, ask for to much time, do the wrong things, if I just showered him with love and was there every time he offered me time. I was just gone. Stripped of all that made me… ME!

If I only knew then what I know now!

The thing is though… I just didn’t know.

Unfortunately/fortunately I do now.

I can’t say I am grateful I met him and now know more than I used to about narcissistic behaviors.

I can say however… I know what I am worth now. I know more about MYSELF and where I needed to grow in order to love myself. Where I needed to change and slow down. What I needed to be more mindful of when meeting new people.

Most importantly… what I was missing within myself that I felt someone else could fill.

The past four years have been by FAR the most painful and challenging years I have ever experienced. The cost was extremely high in order to discover my own love of self ❤️

I have found a peace within myself that I can honestly say I have never felt.

A forgiveness of self.

Perhaps I broke to a point that allowed me to see life and love more clearly. To embrace my own worth and set firm boundaries that I had never held.

It was an awakening that forced me to leave my utopian world and how I perceived it from a fantasy standpoint.

For I am by far, more in tune to who I am and where I needed to love myself and protect myself!

I didn’t know monsters like this existed.

Not to that extent anyway.

I believe in the devil now.

Which allowed me to understand that with good, there is evil.

That evil can mask itself as good, much like the wolf in sheep’s clothes.

I am more in tune with my own spiritually… God. As I move forward and observe before I jump again.. checking to see what’s below..

For I will NEVER jump into HELL again!

I met the devil once… and once was enough for me to understand… that my life is far too precious to believe that all are good and will serve a higher purpose in my life.

Evil does exist… and does want to destroy YOU! In fact… that is their “soul” mission in life!

Watch for the wolf in sheep clothes! They are MASTERS at finding your soul and making you believe YOU are the outcast! The problem! The unlovable!

You will doubt yourself in ways you never believed you could!

Listen to your own vibrations and take the time to examine the deeper meanings of what you’re experiencing.

For those butterflies you feel in the beginning could be your own intuition warning you!

I am a survivor of a covert narcissist!

Hardest fight I have ever fought in life! Only those that have experienced it will understand the destruction and the absolute fight it takes to come out the other side. Yet NEVER unscathed!

Just stronger and more awakened than EVER before!

Yet I am different now. He did change me. Although I miss the person I was.. I in fact grieve the loss of her. I am different now and learning to be this new version of myself.

Peace, Love and Light my friends.

I am here for you if you are dancing with the devil!

Let’s set you free ❤️

Nomadic Soul Seeker