I am overwhelmed with emotions.

It’s the screaming in pain, yelling from rooms for help, the long waits for help, the smell of urine and unheld bowels, the dark rooms, the sadness and loneliness, no one visits, the look in their eyes of helplessness and hope disappearing.

I am overwhelmed to say the least.

I am drowning in one of the darkest places I have ever been.

The loneliness bestowed on me. Watching, yet knowing, it’s a natural process.

Watching life being stolen every single day a little more.

I know I will be the one in the end that says goodbye. The one who finds them.

I’ve been prepared for this, trained in fact, to say goodbye to everyone I have ever loved. Trained for this very moment in time my ENTIRE life.

Now I understand my role in life. Everything was for this reason.

I had to say goodbye to the one person in my life I had been waiting to meet. He was the biggest lesson I needed to learn before this finally stage I am nearing. I thought he was my forever. I loved him from my soul.

I was wrong.

I have always feared love because of those goodbyes. Yet here I am… still fighting that battle.

He did not feel the same towards me.

So I had to say goodbye when my parents needed me. That goodbye ripped my heart up.

No one knows but me how that hurt my soul. How it changed me.

Knowing I won’t win this battle.

My war right now is a battle within myself.

Learning to say goodbye.

Love only hurts because of the goodbyes.

So yes, I am trying.

Trying to learn to love differently.

Without attachment.

This place. This dark place.

Makes me question love to a whole new level.

I have never felt so isolated and so alone in my entire life.

I lost my best friend. The one man I let in.

Now I’m watching the slowest death of all, alone.

Entirely Alone

The quality of life …of my parents.

Everything stolen.

Learning how EACH and EVERY MOMENT is a GIFT!

Peace, Love and light my beautiful friends!

Love may have goodbyes , but if it doesn’t… maybe it is soul love?